How to Become a Seagull


En route one of the many temples in India, I was required to take a boat. In the middle of spacing out to a random school nature trip during which a guy sitting on the engine screaming, “My ass is on Fire!” I looked up at the sky and screamed, “Wow!!!!” A mesmerising flock of sea gulls flying overhead had nipped every other thought in my head in the bud. A few co-passenger  wondered who the lunatic on the boat was and where she had come from, but in the end excitement is catching.

Once in a while, they swoop towards the surface of the sea with their beaks open, scoop a mouthful of water, and fly away without even moving their feet. The salty taste doesn’t seem to bother them.

So, how to become a seagull? Learn to like drinking salt water. Oh! Also, Learn to fly.


Now that I had drawn forth the excitement of all the non-pricks on the boat, the smiling strangers were attempting to feed the birds. Because, you know, when Indians are excited, they must feed someone.

When Birds want to eat, they approach the task differently from when they want to drink. They push their feet onto the water like we push a raft we intend to jump onto into the river. Their beaks head straight for the piece of bread. They snap their beaks before you can say the word, “Eat!” Anyone eyeing a sea gull’s food has a worse chance of surviving than the person who comes between the Nazrul and its prey. They push at each other for scraps of food. Who said competition exists only between humans? But unlike humans, once the victor is determined they are all friends again.

So, how to be a sea gull? Learn how to work together with others of your species to cast a spell over unsuspecting tourists that overwhelms them enough to feed you.

But if you can’t be a sea gull, watching a flock is the next awesomest thing!


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