How to Drive People Crazy

A liberating encounter reminded me of the myth that is the “Ideal”. Trust me, the omnipotent sage that I am, like I told my friend there is none. No ideal husband, no ideal wife, no ideal mother, no ideal father, and no ideal child. The only people who are ideal are those who are Dead! That’s just a lie people who want you to do what they want you to do instead of what you want to do tell you. You can never make such people happy. So what can you do?

It’s really simple! Duh! Think about it. You can make YOURSELF happy!! How? How? How?  Drive such paranoid, manipulative, insecure, neurotic, control-freaks crazy! Say the terribly complex, and phonetically challenging word “NO”, and show them your sparkling 32.  Won’t they get mad? Yes. Will it be hilarious? More even than watching the wicked-witch-of-the-west turn your tyrannical monster-in-law into a rat. Hold your smile, it’s a forgivable crime to spit as you smother incoherent sounds that could almost be mistaken for laughter.

Hold your smile, it’s a forgivable crime to spit as you smother incoherent sounds that could almost be mistaken for laughter. It’s not really your fault if the Happy soundtrack starts playing in your head. What if your body twitches and you start dancing? Are you really responsible? But whatever you do, do not under any circumstances tell them why.

They will use crazy, mad, weirdo, and any other synonyms their limited vocabulary allows them, but finally, and you will hear the halo sound, they will Give Up! And they leave, and you Win! And winning is Awesome!

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