Self-Defense Tactics for Kids

The age of innocence is lost. Each generation thinks it left with them. People want altruistic and loving kids around who tilt their heads and smile showing all their teeth. The unfortunate side-effect of this is that such a peace-loving child drifts towards non-violence. But That’s a good thing you say. Is it? Really? Definitely. It is a brilliant thing. In theory. Or if you live in a cave somewhere up in the mountains and perhaps chance to catch a glimpse of a human being once in a rainbow coloured.

Practically, if your child does not grow their nails with the sole purpose of scratching their classmate relentlessly for seven days, they need to learn to defend themselves. They must learn the Art of Kid War.

A personal favourite of mine was to hold the hands of my attacker. When they started using their feet I discovered that is was infinitely easier to sit on them altogether. Being a not-so-skinny child myself, I found it worked well for me. I didn’t even have to do it every time. Once was enough to inspire fear.

My genius nephew learned in his own way. The little fellow looked at the brat harassing his little brother. He remembered how he got scared every time his mother got passive aggressive.

“Do you want two slaps?” she would ask, “Or do you want three slaps?

He realised half across the threat the brat was quivering and decided to take full advantage of the situation. Since he enjoyed chasing him all along the street, he decided to continue till the spoilt child was safely inside his own house and his little brother was safe.

We don’t want our kids to be violent, but we do want them to be safe. Because it is Awesome when every kid is safe and happy. And the stories of how they got that way Awesomer still.

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